


home is wherever I'm with you

by madbutterfly



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, M/M, Sibling Incest, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-16 07:06:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4615974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madbutterfly/pseuds/madbutterfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snapshots of Fili and Kili's lives together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	home is wherever I'm with you

He couldn’t remember it very clearly, but Fíli had been told that when he found out that he was going to have a little brother or sister, he’d cried himself sick, sulked for two days and then tried to run away from home ( _tried_  being the operative word - he’d slipped out of the house when Mama wasn’t looking and had walked about ten paces before running right into his papa).

He’d warmed to the idea only when Uncle Thorin had sat him down and had a long discussion about the benefits of having siblings (very pointedly leaving out any possible down sides). Fíli had remained mostly unconvinced, until his uncle reminded him that Mama was his little sister - Mama was  _amazing_ , so maybe his little brother or sister wouldn’t be the worst thing that had ever happened to him after all.

He still hadn’t been exactly happy about the idea, but had decided to reserve judgement until the baby had a chance to prove themselves. It was only fair, after all.

* * *

Kíli, as it turns out, didn’t have to prove himself.

Fíli had been sent to spend the night with Uncle Thorin when the baby came, though he was rather reluctant to since Mama was obviously in pain and trying to hide it - he wouldn’t be able to do anything to help if he wasn’t there!

He didn’t sleep much that night and ended up climbing into Uncle’s bed and staying there, but Uncle didn’t seem to mind and was awake to answer whenever Fíli said anything, so it wasn’t so bad.

Unfortunately, when the morning came, Uncle said they  _still_  couldn’t go home yet and should wait for word from the healers. Thankfully, just past midday a midwife Fíli vaguely recognised arrived, looking tired but happy, and informed them that the birth had gone smoothly and that they were welcome back at home now.

The time it took to put on their boots and coats and walk back home dragged on and on in Fíli’s mind. He still wasn’t sure what he thought about having a little sibling, but he couldn’t ignore the curiosity any longer, he  _had_  to meet them. What’s more, he had to make sure that Mama was all right like the midwife had claimed.

And so it was that ten minutes after setting off from Uncle Thorin’s house, Fíli first laid eyes on Kíli. The first thing he noticed was that he was absolutely  _tiny_  (he felt the urge to poke at his little mitten-covered hands, because he could hardly believe an actual  _hand_  was under there, with fingers and everything), and the second was that he was… very red. And kind of ugly.

“His face is all squished,” he said (quietly, because the baby was asleep and he’d been told to try not to wake him up), wrinkling his nose a little and looking up at Papa from where he was sitting in his lap. Thorin was standing next to Mama, one hand resting gently on her shoulder.

Mama and Papa both laughed at that, not denying it. Mama looked exhausted, dark circles under her eyes, but she was smiling. “Well, that’s how babies look when they’re first born,” she said. “You looked very similar when you were a baby, you know.”

Fíli frowned. He had his doubts about that, but there were more important matters to attend to. He peered at Kíli a bit more closely. “He has hair like you an’ Uncle!” he announced excitedly. There wasn’t very much of it, but the wispy hair that the baby did have was a dark brown. For some reason, he’d imagined the baby as having golden hair like him and Papa.

“And he has your papa’s eyes, too,” Mama said. “Just wait until he’s awake again and you’ll be able to see them.”

Fíli wasn’t sure why, but he suddenly dearly wished for the baby to be awake just so he could see for himself.

What he was sure of was that this baby was also kind of cute, and that he already felt love swelling in his chest.

* * *

“Feeeeeeee! Fee Fee Fee!”

Fíli paused where he was walking back home after writing lessons with Mister Balin and looked around, feeling severely confused when he couldn’t see Kíli or his parents anywhere. He was also very nearly home and the door wasn’t open, so it wasn’t like Kíli was waiting for him at the door, like he did sometimes.

“…Kíli?” he said with a frown. Had he been hearing things? He  _did_  hear that a lot at home, after all, maybe it had started echoing in his ears.

“Fee!” came the squeaky shout again, followed by a thumping sound, prompting Fíli to glance upwards, only to see Kíli’s little face in the upstairs window, one hand pressed against the glass where he’d smacked it to get Fíli’s attention. As soon as their eyes met, Kíli beamed from ear to ear and bounced up and down a few times, waving. He must have been standing on a chair, still too small to be able to reach the window otherwise.

Fíli smiled in return and picked up the pace, scurrying to the front door and letting himself in. He made to head upstairs to his and Kíli’s room, but that plan was thwarted when Kíli barrelled down the stairs and straight into Fíli, very nearly knocking them both to the ground.

“Fíli! Missed you,” he said, still grinning that huge, sunny grin of his and wrapping his arms firmly around his brother. “It’s boring here without you, Mama and Papa won’t do things with me!” That probably meant that he’d been pestering them and refusing to play by himself. It was happening less and less often, but every time their parents thought he might have grown out of it, he proved them wrong.

“I was only gone an hour,” Fíli replied, returning the hug tightly.

“That’s still too long,” Kíli said, pushing his cheek against Fíli’s chest firmly before moving away a little. “Come play with me!”

Fíli nodded, shrugging his bag off his shoulder and kicking his boots off as he followed Kíli back upstairs to the room they shared.

“You’re gonna have to start having lessons to learn how to write too, soon. Then what’re you gonna do? Doesn’t even matter if you find it boring, you haveta do it anyway.”

Kíli just stuck his tongue out and made a rude noise, still banging his way up the stairs as quick as his little legs could take him.

Fíli wasn’t really sure why he’d expected any other response.

* * *

“Are you awake, Fee?” Kíli whispered from his bed across the room from Fíli.

Fíli rolled onto his back. “Yeah,” he replied. “What is it?”

A pause. “Nothing.” Fíli heard Kíli shifting around in bed. “Just… do you think we’ll ever get to see Erebor?”

“Maybe,” Fíli replied noncommittally. “Uncle wants to take it back, right? So when he does that we’ll probably  _live_  there.”

“Yeah…” Kíli murmured. “But there’s a dragon in there.”

“Uncle will kill the dragon first and then we can live there,” Fíli said. Well, it probably wouldn’t be quite that easy, but that’s all there was to it, really.

“But it’s a dragon!” Kíli squeaked, his voice rising and making Fíli shush him hurriedly, reminding him that Mama and Papa were in the room next door, and the brothers were meant to be asleep. “Sorry. It’s just… how do you kill a dragon? What if it kills Uncle instead?”

“It wouldn’t get to kill Uncle. He’d go in with a plan first and outwit it. And anyway, it’s been a while since anyone’s seen the dragon at all. It might be dead now.” Fíli tugged his blankets up to his nose. “I’m too tired to talk about this now… get some sleep, yeah? It’s late.”

Fíli heard his brother exhaling on the other side of the room. “Yeah, okay… night, Fíli.”

“Goodnight, Kee.”

* * *

“…Fíli?”

“Mm.”

“Fíli, please look at me.”

“ _What_ , Kíli?” Fíli snapped, and immediately felt bad for it. His brother hadn’t done anything to deserve that, and now he looked hurt.

“You know what. You’ve been growing more and more distant and I hate it.” He reached out a hand and rested it on Fíli’s shoulder, and Fíli fought not to flinch. “I’ve obviously done something and I really want to fix it, but I honestly don’t know what it is! I’m sorry, please let me make it up to you. At least tell me what I did wrong.” The hand on his shoulder tightened its grip slightly. “I miss you, brother.”

That time Fíli did flinch.  _Brother_. Yes, well, that was the problem, wasn’t it? Kíli was his little brother and Fíli was feeling things he was entirely aware he wasn’t supposed to feel about his brother of all people. He’d thought just avoiding Kíli and trying to focus on other things would help, but it had just made Kíli sad and Fíli felt horribly lonely, and it had only been a couple of weeks. He had other friends, but Kíli had been his  _best_  friend for as long as he could remember.

Fíli bit his lip. “You didn’t do anything, Kíli. Please leave it.” He felt slightly sick. Maybe he should just go back to the way things were. Pretend he didn’t feel anything and start acting normal with Kíli again. That would work best, wouldn’t it? Trying to lessen their contact with each other wasn’t solving anything. It wasn’t even making his feelings fade off.

“If I didn’t do anything, then why are you acting like this?” Kíli asked, lips pursed suspiciously. “Did  _you_  do something? Because I can’t think what you could do that would make you want to avoid me.”

Fíli paused before smiling tiredly. “I’m sorry. I’m just stressed and tired, that’s all. You didn’t do anything, I promise.”

“You could always talk to Dwalin and Uncle Thorin about maybe having a few days off to just do whatever you want,” Kíli suggested, his features softening in sympathy. “I know they expect a lot from you but I’m sure they don’t think you can just keep going without ever having a break.”

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. I’ll do that,” Fíli agreed, and did his best to ignore the aching in his heart.

* * *

Things went back to normal between them after that, or at least that’s how it appeared. Fíli acted normal, like nothing had ever been wrong, and while he certainly felt better than he had when he’d been avoiding Kíli, every night before he went to sleep he would look at Kíli in his bed on the other side of the room and do his best not to cry.

This was  _horrible_. Falling in love was supposed to be a happy, joyful thing, and he’d had to fall in love with the one person he could never have. It hurt more than Fíli had ever expected it to. He’d been told so many things, over the years, about what it’d be like when he fell in love, and now he wouldn’t get to experience any of that. If he’d fallen in love with someone else they might not have returned his feelings, but at least he’d have a chance.

He turned his face against his pillow and let out a heavy sigh, hoping it didn’t actually sound as teary and shaky as it did to his own ears.

“Are you okay?” Kíli immediately asked.

Damn.

“Ye-es,” Fíli said, wincing when his voice cracked in the middle of the word. He cleared his throat. “Yes.”

It was too dark to see much with only the moon illuminating the room, but there was the rustle of sheets and then he could see Kíli’s silhouette padding across the room. He then plonked himself down on the edge of the bed, scooting backwards when Fíli wiggled to the side to give him more room.

“No you’re not, you sounded really upset,” Kíli said. This close, Fíli could just about make out Kíli’s features. He looked concerned.

“I was just sighing. I sigh all the time. That doesn’t mean I’m upset.”

“It does when you sigh like that, you sounded like you were about to start crying.”

“No I did not!” Fíli said, managing to make his voice suitably indignant. “Honestly, I’m just tired. Get back in bed and let me sleep.” He moved his hand back to swat lightly at Kíli.

“I know you better than that. Tell me what’s wrong.” Kíli drew his legs up onto the bed, making it very clear that he wasn’t going anywhere.

Fíli squirmed into a sitting position. “I don’t know what to tell you, Kee. I’m fine.”

Kíli’s head tilted to the side and Fíli was a little unnerved that he couldn’t read his expression. Kíli had a very expressive face and Fíli could usually read him like a book, but now? Fíli had no idea what he was thinking.

About a minute passed, but neither made a sound. Fíli’s heart was in his throat.

And then, Kíli looked to the side and licked his lips apprehensively, before leaning forward and pressing just a brief kiss to Fíli’s lips before pulling away again abruptly. Fíli froze, not daring to assume anything. Had Kíli been aiming for his cheek and missed? It  _was_  pretty dark in the room, after all.

Kíli coughed slightly. “Was… was that okay?” His voice sounded so quiet and almost nervous, so unlike how Kíli usually was.

“Th-that…” Fíli stuttered, feeling goosebumps breaking out on his skin. “Yes?”

“Yes?”

“Yes… it was okay? I mean… it was good?”

Kíli smiled slightly. “Was that why you were so off with me a few weeks ago?”

Fíli’s cheeks burned, and he really hoped Kíli couldn’t see it. “Maybe.”

“That’s a yes, then,” Kíli said. “So it was ’cause you have feelings for me?”

“Yes,” Fíli said slightly stiffly, suddenly worrying that Kíli had been messing with him all along (despite the logical side of him pointing out that Kíli would never do that).

“Brother, you are a silly,  _silly_  dwarf,” Kíli breathed out, and leaned back down to kiss him again - and this time, Fíli had a chance to kiss him back.

* * *

“I’m so excited and nervous I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep all night,” Kíli said, laughing a little. “This always seemed so far off and now here we are! Off on  _adventures_! I can hardly believe it!”

Fíli finished putting on his sleeping clothes and turned around to smile at his brother. “Me neither. I want to stay up all night but if we do that we’ll regret it, so go to bed.”

“Ah, you act so responsible but you know you want to as well!” Kíli bounced in place where he was sitting on his bed. “This right here is what all our training was leading up to!”

Fíli grinned and moved to sit next to Kíli on the bed. “First of all, c’mere,” he commanded, taking Kíli’s chin in his hand, turning his head and planting a massive, wet kiss directly on his lips, deliberately making it as loud and gross as he could just to hear Kíli’s surprised laughter. “There’s gonna be less of that when we meet up with the rest of the Company. I’m gonna miss it.”

“Me too,” Kíli said, sighing wistfully. “We’ll just have to make up for lost time when we get to Erebor,” he added, smiling mischievously. “Mahal, I really am nervous! Excited, of course. But I’m so jittery, there are butterflies in my stomach.”

“I’m nervous too,” said Fíli, leaning over to rest his head on Kíli’s shoulder. “But we’ll be okay. We’ll look out for each other until we reach the Shire, and then we’ll all be in a group. Safety in numbers, we’ll be fine.”

“I know,” Kíli said, winding his arm around his brother’s shoulders and squeezing him. “Every step of the way, we’ll be by each other’s sides.”

Fíli smiled softly. Everything he wanted in life was right here, but he’d happily set off to Erebor if he could do it with Kíli. They’d heard so much about Erebor, it hardly seemed real. That their uncle had actually agreed to take them, that he thought they were  _ready_ , that they would help to reclaim that legendary kingdom, made his heart soar.

“I can’t wait.”

* * *

Fíli’s heart clenched when he heard Kíli whimper in his sleep. He wished he could get up and comfort him, but he couldn’t get out of bed (the healers didn’t even know if he’d be able to keep his leg yet), and even if he could, what would he do? Try to soothe Kíli without waking him, he supposed, if that would even work.

He should probably try to sleep too. Óin had applied one of his special numbing ointments to the wound on his leg and it was mercifully working, which meant that the only pains he was feeling were from the scratches and bruises on his skin. While it felt like they covered every inch of him, he was pretty sure that he’d be able to sleep if he tried.

But he didn’t really want to. He wanted to make sure Kíli was all right, even though he knew that sleeping wouldn’t make a difference. Besides, Kíli was all right, more or less. Or at least, he wasn’t going to die. He had a couple of broken ribs and just as many smaller injuries as Fíli did, and he was certainly in pain, but there was nothing life-threatening. And nothing Fíli could help with.

This tent was making him feel claustrophobic. He wanted to get out of here, at least for a few minutes. Not that he’d even bother asking, he knew it wasn’t a possibility.

Thorin was recovering from the battle in a separate tent and Fíli was doing his best to quash the resentment he felt growing. It wasn’t Thorin’s fault, he’d been sick,  _it wasn’t his fault_.

That’s what he kept telling himself and he knew it to be true, not that it made much of a difference.

But he still loved his uncle. He just needed some time to get past this.

He closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep, if only to get his mind to turn off for a while.

* * *

About a month after the dwarves from the Blue Mountains arrived at Erebor, Fíli and Kíli were roused from where they were relaxing in their shared quarters by a knock at the door.

“I’ll get it,” Kíli said, getting to his feet and making his way to the door. Some days, Fíli’s wound still bothered him and he’d find himself needing to use a crutch, and today was one of those days.

Opening the door, Kíli was faced with both Thorin and Dís. Thorin’s expression was troubled, but Dís smiled gently when she saw her son.

“Hello, Kíli,” she said. “May we come in?”

Blinking, Kíli opened the door wider and stepped aside to allow the two of them inside. “Of course…” The look on Thorin’s face worried him.

Twisting around in his seat to look at their visitors, Fíli smiled in greeting, though he was a little confused too. His uncle and mother didn’t normally visit them in their quarters - they saw enough of each other during the day that there was usually little need for it.

“Is something the matter?” he asked, his heart leaping into his throat at the sight of Thorin’s expression. His mother looked slightly apprehensive too, though she was smiling, perhaps trying to hide it.

Thorin let out a sort of growling cough and said stiffly, “That remains to be seen.”

Dís directed her gaze at her brother, narrowing her eyes. “No, nothing’s the matter,” she disagreed sternly, more in answer to Thorin than Fíli. “We just have a few things we’re… wondering about.” Thorin frowned and let out a gruff  _hmm_  but didn’t try to argue.

Kíli led the two of them further into the room and gestured for them to take their seats near the fire. “What things?” he asked, and moved back to where he was sitting with Fíli before this interruption.

“Is there anything you want to tell us, boys?” Dís asked bluntly, her expression becoming more serious.

“No?” Kíli replied, his voice unusually high-pitched, and shared a look with Fíli. Fíli was sure the panic in Kíli’s eyes was reflected in his own. There were no laws against what they had together, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t taboo. There was a reason they’d kept it a secret, after all.

Dís clasped her hands together in her lap. “Are you sure about that? If there is anything you want to share, this would be the time to do it.”

“There isn’t anything, Mama,” Fíli said, trying to keep his voice steady. “But it’s clear you think there is. What’s wrong?”

Thorin puffed out a breath. “Don’t try to lie to us. We want to know if you’ve been seeing each other.”

Kíli let out a quiet, distressed noise and Fíli fought the urge to reach out and take his hand. That wouldn’t help in a situation like this. But at the same time, he couldn’t bring himself to deny it. Several tense moments had passed - and it was too late. If it wasn’t true, they would have denied it immediately.

Thorin let out a tremendous, groaning sigh and ran a hand slowly over his face. “I’d honestly hoped your hunch was wrong, namad.”

Dís moved out of her seat and walked over to her sons, laying a hand on both their shoulders. “You could have told me, you know. We just want you to be happy.”

“We didn’t mean for it to happen,” Fíli said, relieved when his voice didn’t shake.

“You don’t need to make excuses, love,” she replied, moving one hand up to cup his cheek. “I think everyone in this room is well aware that you can’t control who you fall in love with.” She looked at Thorin. “Isn’t that right?”

Thorin rubbed a hand over his mouth, not looking at any of them, but a few moments later he closed his eyes and shook his head. “Yes… you’re right. I don’t think anything can make me feel better about this at the moment, but I can admit that at least.” He looked up again. “And you make each other happy, yes?”

“Of course,” Kíli said quickly. “Like nothing else.”

Fíli did reach over to take Kíli’s hand this time, taking comfort in the sensation of his little brother rubbing his thumb gently over the back of his hand.

“Then that’s all that matters,” Dís smiled and straightened up. “We still need to talk about this, but it’s rather late and we should really be leaving.”

“You’re not angry?” Fíli asked tentatively.

“No, of course not,” Dís replied. Thorin didn’t answer, but he did give a slightly awkward smile. Fíli decided that was probably as positive a reaction as he could hope to see from Thorin right now. “Now, we really must be taking our leave. You boys have a good night.” She kissed them both on the forehead one after the other and moved away. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Thorin nodded but said nothing, leading the way out of the room. Kíli followed them skittishly and locked the door behind them after bidding them one last goodnight, then turned around and flopped back next to Fíli.

There was silence for a few moments, but Kíli let out a slightly hysterical laugh and exclaimed, “My heart’s still pounding!”

Fíli smiled weakly. “Mine too. I thought… I don’t know what I thought, but I was sure that was going to go so much worse!” He reached over and wrapped his arms around Kíli, relishing the warmth around him when Kíli returned the hug.

“I… I don’t even want to think about it,” Kíli said, burying his face in the crook of Fíli’s neck. “Can we just go to bed? Maybe pretend that didn’t just happen?”

“Oh, Mahal, absolutely.”

* * *

The door banged open loudly, startling Fíli where he was attempting (with limited success) to sew up a hole in the inside leg of Kíli’s trousers. He threw the trousers and needle aside, making a mental note to take the trousers to someone who knew what they were doing later, and whirled around to glare at Kíli.

“Is it your mission in life to scare me senseless at every opportunity?” he asked, but he laughed afterwards. “I’m pretty sure it wasn’t  _entirely_  necessary to open the door like that.”

Kíli just grinned unrepentantly. “They finally had those tea leaves you love at the market! See?” He jammed his hand into his pocket and yanked out a small pot. He shook it at him, grinning. “If that doesn’t earn me forgiveness and kisses, there is no justice in the world.”

“Well, if it’s tea leaves we’re talking about…” Fíli said, hopping to his feet and pecking Kíli on the lips. “Yes, all is forgiven.”

“You’re so easy, you can never stay annoyed at me,” Kíli said breezily, flicking one of Fíli’s moustache braids and sending it swinging.

“Of course I can’t, look at that little face,” Fíli replied, catching Kíli’s chin in his hand and squeezing gently. “You’re too pretty to be annoyed with.”

“Pretty? I think the word you’re looking for is handsome. Or maybe  _dashing_.” Kíli raised one thick eyebrow, his voice teasing.

“Hmm… cute. Adorable.  _Precious_ ,” Fíli continued, pretending not to hear. “You have a sweet little baby face, brother.” He reached up and pinched his cheek, trying his best to be annoying.

“The audacity!” Kíli squawked in mock outrage, dropping the tea onto a nearby table and tackling Fíli, sending them both sprawling to the floor. He promptly pinned Fíli’s wrists down, smiling when his brother didn’t even try to fight it - Fíli would be entirely capable of throwing him off if he put any effort into it.

“Oh, I’ve been defeated,” Fíli sighed. “Yes, you’re very handsome and dashing and all that nonsense, whatever you say. You’re a very beautiful dwarf, Kíli, you know that as well as I do.”

Kíli went a light pink and averted his gaze. He didn’t always feel it; he knew his features didn’t exactly live up to the dwarven standard of beauty and his beard was still not as thick as he wanted it to be - but when he heard Fíli say it, he couldn’t help but believe it.

* * *

“I don’t think there’s ever been a moment in my life when I haven’t loved you,” Fíli murmured, nuzzling against his brother’s shoulder. They were curled up in front of the fireplace in silence, Kíli reading, one arm wrapped around Fíli’s shoulders and Fíli slipping in and out of a light doze.

“Huh?” Kíli said, looking up from his book.

“Mm, nothing,” Fíli replied. “Just thinking about how much I love you.”

Kíli smiled, moving his head so he could rest his cheek against the top of Fíli’s head. “No, I mean… I did hear you the first time. And I know. In all honesty, I can’t recall a moment where I haven’t loved you too. Whether it was always romantic is a different matter, but… I can’t imagine not loving you with all my heart, brother.”

Fíli laughed sleepily. “We’re being ridiculous saps.”

“Well, we’re the only ones who can hear it and I love you so much and I want you to know that.”

“I do know…”

“No harm in repeating it a few times,” Kíli said firmly.

“I’m just so glad that you love me too. Even if we lost everything else, as long as we still had each other… I don’t think it would seem so bad.”

“Exactly,” Kíli agreed. “I’d follow you anywhere. It doesn’t matter where we are - as long as you’re nearby, I’d feel like I was at home.”

Fíli slid his head back so he could see his brother’s face. “I’m very glad we agree on that matter.” He pressed a kiss to Kíli’s cheek and watched Kíli smile gently in response before cuddling back down again. “Home is wherever I’m with you.” And with that, he let himself slip back into sleep, any stresses of the day washed away in Kíli’s arms.


End file.
